why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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