After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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