I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Holy sore nipples Batman
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
