there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize