I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
