Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The Olympian is in my bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize