i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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