i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
