foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
