theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize