You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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