dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize