"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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