Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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