i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize