Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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