come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize