I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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