Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
