You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were trust falling into bushes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
