You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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