my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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