his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
