im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
