I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
