32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
