I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
