just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
