I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
