Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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