Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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