I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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