How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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