apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize