Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize