she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
