My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
