Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
