You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
