We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
