i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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