We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
