Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
