if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize