I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
