We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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