Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
