apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
