We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
