What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
