Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is it penis luge time yet?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
