The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
