Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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