this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
