i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
