Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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