My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
