I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
