yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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