My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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