Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
