please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
