I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
