you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
