I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
