there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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