im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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