The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
