Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
