Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize