make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
