How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
sex in a hospital.. check
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
