Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
