i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize