so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
