life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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