You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
