Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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