There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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