Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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