apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize