I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
