she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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