Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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