there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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