If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
