Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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