Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
