that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
