This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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