you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
