I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
