she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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