I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
