I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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