She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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