He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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