he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
