The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
