you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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